Drag Queen Mishap
by gungnirburst
Summary: However good his intentions were at the start, one thing was certainly clear. He should have never let Aeris talk him into dressing like a girl in the first place. [AR. Reno/Cloud. Crossdressing!Cloud.]


Fanfic Title: Drag Queen Mishap

Game: Final Fantasy 7

Pairing: Reno x Cloud

Author: keadeblue264

Probably one of the funniest moments in all of FF7 history, and certainly one that's gonna live on forever. Oh, all the accessories you could get… Cloud shoulda been a fairy princess…bless his heart. XD Anyway, I thought of this one day and couldn't help myself. So, yeah. Please enjoy.

Summary: However good his intentions were at the start, one thing was certainly clear. He should have never let Aeris talk him into dressing like a girl in the first place. RenoxCloud yaoi.

Disclaimer: I don't own the rights to Final Fantasy 7.

Warnings/Notes: yaoi, AU, cross-dressing, mentions of alcohol, bad language, awkward situations, drunk!Reno

~**Drag Queen Mishap**~

This was just plain embarrassing. To think that he—Cloud Strife, ex-SOLIDER of ShinRa—would have to resort to this in order to save Tifa after she was kidnapped. By Gaia, it was the most humiliating experience of his life, and Aeris and he hadn't even gotten into the Don's mansion yet. And he could only assume that it would get much worse from here on in.

Cloud stood against the wall of the small clothing store, dressed to the nines in what had to be the garb of fairytale princesses while waiting on Aeris to finish getting herself ready. He tried to look as unmanly as possible so his cover wouldn't be blown apart, but one could only stand so still when being stared at by just about every man in this part of the district. The lingerie wasn't helping the situation at all either. As ridiculous as it sounded, Cloud wanted to hide in a closet and pray that Tifa would rescue herself somehow.

This was too much for someone like him to go through. Never in his wildest dreams did he ever think that he would end up adorned like a woman.

He would have been better off just sneaking into the mansion by himself instead going with absurd, covert disguises. Did he really have to have all this junk to help his cover as a female? Sweet Shiva, it seemed so unnecessary, not to mention having a completely overdone factor that made it even more bizarre. All of it was going in the nearest trash bin when the rescue mission was over and done with. Never again would he allow himself to be subject to such mortification once more so long as he was still taking breaths on this earth.

"Hey there."

Cloud turned his head abruptly, coming face to face with a redheaded man who had strange tattoos on the sides of his eyes. He must be rusty or something since he didn't even notice this person come up next to him, too caught up in his thoughts to be aware of the outside world.

Wait a minute…

He had seen this guy before, back at the church where he first met Aeris. Gaia, what was his name again? Had he even said it?

"Ya wanna have some fun wit me?"

The redhead grabbed Cloud, bringing the blonde close to his thin frame. Cloud had to remember not to speak out against this, no matter how much he wanted to. Warding off an inebriated man was not worth destroying his cover. And what was taking Aeris so long anyway? Surely she didn't need that much to wear, right?

"Good Gaia, yer flat…"

Whoever this was, he was clearly so drunk that he hadn't realized that he might have stepped on a very large landmine. That is, if he was actually talking to any run of the mill woman. Cloud may be dressed like a girl, but there was no way he was going to get offended at being called flat. As far as he was concerned, his chest needed to stay flat for the rest of his life.

The redhead didn't seem deterred with his lack of response. In fact, it appeared to make him more confident.

"Aw well. That's okay. Ya gotta nice face so it's all good, yo."

Maybe he should have just acted like a girl and slapped the guy when he had the chance. This situation was getting out of hand and fast.

"The name's Reno. Wanna tell me yers?"

Well, that solved the issue of his name. Now all that was left to do was to get rid of him before other people directed uninvited attention their way.

"Aw, come on. I don't bite…"

Dear Leviathan, this man clearly was drunk off his ass. Didn't he comprehend the meaning of the cold shoulder when it was given to him? Or was he just too under the influence to realize that his advances were severely unwanted? If the blonde didn't think himself to be a capable man when under pressure, he would have snapped long ago.

Cloud looked around to see if anyone would notice if he punched this drunken bastard. The area around him was pretty much clear for the moment, most of the men being in the bar or in some other place Cloud didn't know about.

Either way, Reno was about to get it and get it good. And this would hopefully be done before Aeris came parading out of the store behind him in whatever she had chosen to wear. That much he had to make certain. As if being dressed like a girl and hit on by a guy who obviously had a few too many drinks wasn't bad enough, Cloud did not need to be questioned about it by Aeris, who had the tendency to pry for personal information.

"Hey, you still out there? I'm ready now."

When Reno turned his head in the direction Aeris' voice was coming from, Cloud punched the Turk hard in the stomach, effectively knocking the poor drunkard out cold. The blonde quickly disposed of the limb redhead in a nearby alley just as Aeris walked out of the shop wearing a pretty red dress and her hair undone from its usual braid.

"Oh, hey, Cloud. So, are we prepared to go?" Aeris asked, putting her hands behind her back and leaning forward slightly.

"…Yeah."

They strolled away from the store, not having made ten steps before Aeris caught on to Cloud's somewhat disheveled appearance. What in Gaia's name was he doing while she was dressing? Then again, she probably didn't want to know anyway, nor would Cloud tell her if she bothered to ask him.

"Hold on. You need to be fixed up." She stopped, turning Cloud towards her to evaluate what needed to be put back the way it was before. No use going to perverted man's manor if Cloud didn't look his best, even if he was clad as the opposite gender.

Straightening out the wrinkles in his dress, she asked, "Are you okay? You look a little flustered."

"…Let's just say I can't wait to get out of these clothes."

However good his intentions were at the start, one thing was certainly clear. He should have never let Aeris talk him into dressing like a girl in the first place.

* * *

Author's Notes: Well that was fun! …For me anyway. But poor Reno! It would so unfortunate if someone stole his things while he was unconscious! I could just picture it… Hahahaha! By the way, misspellings in Reno's speech were obviously intended. 'S what it is, yo. XD Please Review!


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